Teenagers. I have one that just passed the teens and two that are still there. And when I say ‘there’ I mean, at times, they are in the depths of the teenage years. For the most part by anyone’s standards my kids are well-mannered, well-behaved and well- ……normal. Normal, however, includes moments of testing and rebellion. My kids have times where a teenage mind, in a teenage body is trying to dress up in adult roles. The conflict is that the roles don’t fit. They are too big. The hat is floppy, dress too long and gloves twice the size of the hands they cover. When my children were 5, playing dress up was cute and endearing. It’s not cute right now. Instead, in ways, it is painful growth. It’s awkward to watch, it’s uncomfortable to experience and it’s difficult to stand by and watch them move through these years in unfit clothing.
We recently had an incident where one of my children made a choice that did not include others only considering self. And as all actions do, the consequences of this choice effected the family. Now this was not a life threatening choice and by all accounts not the worst thing in the world. For me, it interrupted my plans and desire to create a family memory. Regardless, I had a very strong reaction. I was quick to want to punish the behavior and reestablish control. I was angry. But more importantly I was hurt. We are almost never angry for the reasons we think we are. Below our anger is hurt and below our hurt is love or fear. In this incident I was completely fearful. Afraid that I was losing control over a normally well-behaved child. Afraid that I was losing control over myself and my emotions and what would that mean about me? Afraid that the respect and love I thought I had from my child was now being rejected. Afraid that if I make a mistake in this moment as a mom I have somehow lost my parental worthiness. The result of all this fear was anger toward my child and a reaction to a situation that could be simply solved and would still allow me to teach my child. I was reacting to my emotion and not acting on my intentions and who I want to be as a mother. Teaching is more important to me than punishing. I also ask these questions….What are you (my soul child) here to teach me? And how do I share my spiritual path with you?
The clothes won’t always fit our children. The clothes my children wear are altered over time by my guidance, role modeling and leadership. They are tailored when I stitch them with love and patience. And they will fit just the way they need to the day my children grow into them and not a minute sooner. No Perfect Parents.
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