Smart vs. Pretty. Raising girls..while your sons are watching!

It’s a well known fact that in American Culture the media is obsessed with beauty. Physical, personal, external beauty. We might want to believe that it doesn't have a huge impact. But it does. Those of us women who were raised in the
U.S. have witnessed it and perhaps experienced it since middle school at the very least. We remember the girls that were “In”, and trust me, at my school...they weren’t ugly. As adults, we’ve all witnessed those around us who are pretty and seem to ‘have it all’. Are they more successful and happier? Do they have certain advantages? Are they perceived differently? I think to some extent, yes. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good and feel good. I don’t think anyone would argue that. The point is, what are we modeling for our daughters? Today, I have daughters that are 18 and 14. For years I’ve asked them and then taught them, “Which is better~ to be Pretty or Smart?” If we followed our cultural values we’d say...”Do everything you can to look good! You can get by on your looks.” If we are coming from a health (both physical and emotional) perspective we’d say, “Do everything you can to feel good!” It’s obvious which verbiage we should choose. In addition to our language though, what are we modeling? What is our own body image? How do you talk about yourself in front of your daughters? They’re listening and watching. As Dr. Phil shares, “Our body image is NOT equal to our self-image.” So, to get back to my earlier question that I ask my own daughters, “Which is better~ to be Pretty or Smart?” The answer is:....be Smart...because THEN you can figure out how to be pretty, from the inside out!
Now, keep in mind I have a third set of ears in my home. My son who is also 14. I got so focused on what I was teaching my girls about beauty that I forgot to focus on him and HIS perspective of females. Today I work just as diligently to teach him the value of all things beautiful. Spirits, souls, personalities, strengths and yes, to appreciate those things he finds pretty. I make the effort to teach him about respecting females, which stems from respecting himself first. They say that each gender child most closely identifies with the same gender parent. True. And since we teach people how to treat us, why not teach our sons how to treat girls? As mother’s, we can offer that softer perspective. The inside view that may differ from his father’s. Again, I pose the question to my son, “Is is better to be Handsome or Smart?” You’ve got it! Smart...because THEN you become more handsome inside and out. Remember parents...YOU ROCK!!!